Tuesday, August 05, 2008

moved my blog to wordpress



its way coller.

i still write here.. when i feel liek it
but wordpress is cooll

Sunday, August 03, 2008

We're back in time, in a little yellow life-boat..
God works in strange ways..
Who would have thought that memories so pink, so full, so replenishing would return like this?

"one day, i'll rest my head in your lap by a river and skip stones while you run your fingers though my hair"

I'm looking forward to such whole-hearted fun and peace.. =)

i wanna be me. just me.

is it going to be the same? or better?

What i want is to disappear
like i never existed.

No void lasts long in this world.

I dont exist anymore. I wish

Everythings so messed up and im watchin myself slowly destroy everything good in my life..
I think im mentally unstable.
I dont know.
But im doing it.

Its weird. But i cannot stop. An I don't want to stop.

I swear, im a maniac.

I want to stretch up, and hang onto the moon and fly away

I want to die. Right now.

I dreamt i was dead and i woke up a bit shaken but strangely happy.
And now Im waiting for the dream to come true
Because, ofcourse its the easy way out of this inferno.

Im sick. I cant even breathe properly. My chest is hurting and so is my upper left arm. Its so annoying. And when i breathe, my lungs hurt.

And also the sole of one of my foot is hurting

how retarded am i?

Love's shit
Actually no. Love makes you feel like shit
Or maybe love turns you into a shitty person.

Whatever it is..
where ever there is love, a lot of shit is involved

Thursday, July 31, 2008

i just remembered an incident.

One day, Mrs. Velloz, the woman at our canteen at SJC was very high and giggly.. (she's an old silver-haired woman who INSISTS you greet her before you ask for anything. She's all about please and thankyou and good morning)
Anyway, meha's little brother went to the canteen and asked for Mamamia (the red ice-lolly)

Saud: Can i please have a Mamamia?

Mrs. V: *giggles* Mamamiaaaaaaaaaa....papapiaaaaaaaaaaaaa...what you want han? papapiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Saud: *scared* umm.. and.. a fanty..

Mrs.V: Fanty? *giggles* Auntie without a pantieeee!...

Saud: *runs away*

Meha: *in fits of laughter*


i swear this happened. And she's 70 i think =/

a real small word which describes real big trouble..

I once read this poem in Young Times long ago called "Ego"
Its was about how a guy was going and the girl didnt stop him even though she wanted to, with all her heart.. the last two lines were

"Because the fear of rejection was
more than
the fear of losing you.."

You see?

Two people who love each other very much, argue, but none of them back down.
Two people who love each other very much, truly want to patch up after a fight but none of them want to be the first to break the ice OR the one to compromise and accept their fault..

Ego sours love. But, sometimes its a little necessary..

"The best thing about Egotists is that thye only think about themselves"
They are not like weird memon aunties at weddings who whisper and point at young innocent (ok maybe not THAT innocent) girls and make up far-fetched stories about why this girl is always frowning or how this other pretty girl is always stuck to the male species (WHICH, BTW ARE ALL HER COUSINS, DAMNIT!)

What really amazes me is how blissfully unaware they are of their own sons' weaknesses and ugliness. They'll notice how a poor girls feet were a lil dirty (YES, FEET! they even stare at those) at a wedding and so she cannot possibly be a good housewife (YES. its a weird theory whihc i'll explain later) BUt will not realize that their sons are crotch-scratchers/armpit scratchers/nose-pickers.. (that too, in public)

They'll notice barely-there strecth marks on a girl's arm (hence no rishta.. cuz she's obviously JUST lost weight and so must have atendency to get fat.. and their chand sa bacha wont like that at all , now would he?) BUT will not notice a big wart on their son's nose.. or if they notice they dont think it counts as ugliness

Now, i do not have anythign against warts or spots or marks or whatever but if they are so concerned about a girl's appearance thne they should look at the boys the same way!

the dirty feet theory:

Okay so... many people believe in this. I personally hate hate hate dirty feet but in NO way judge people because they happen to ahev stepped into a lil mud or something!

so yea. If a girl doesnt care about her feet, her soles, basically and dosnt keep them clean then it means that she is in no way competent anough to keep her house/room clean. So clean, moisturized soles mean that a girl is probably finicky about cleanlines.

Theory proved wrong when Aesha was born
clean feet, yes.
finicky about it? Yes.
room clean.. um noo =/
Finicky about keeping house/room clean? no.

there you go
In your face, AUNTIE!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My heart lights up everytime you call upon my door. But its usually dark and gloomy.


And I see Love move, breathe, yawn, smile..

Why. Why can't everyone?

Love is awake..:D

Rain washes
Rain nourishes
Rain freshens
Rain pleases
Rain evokes smiles

but sometimes, just sometimes, rain soils.. things, souls, people..

the honour :D

he named it Stray Vibes..
omg :D

i love you, O.B.. <3

he named it Stray Vibes..
omg :D

i love you, O.B.. <3

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Thick. creamy. steaming. aromatic. a lil tangy. a hint of spice. a rich undertone. My perfect bowl of soup. Thank you amma.

I'm married and im expecting a baby soon :P

haha =/

erm.. sorry.. i know the joke isnt even funny:P

A five-star hotel, complete with cold floors, and an indifferent atmosphere. Not relaxing, but un-nerving. A ballroom. Elaborate curtains, all maroon velvet and gold tassles.. Marble reflecting shiny people with shiny shoes. Designer sorrow.

Music.. Slow dancing. Supposedly romantic. A figure in black, hiding in shadowy silence. Watching. Watching. Watching. His girl laughs demurely. His girl twirls. His girl, winks and giggles. His girl has danced with another man..the whole beautiful, moonlit night..

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

i wish love could be measured...

If you only knew.. the buds in my heart were always red not white..

twisting a loose tooth

Sometimes you do things which can bruise the sunshine in your life. Your life floods with blue-black light which illuminates scars you thought were birth-marks.. Life kicks you in the abdomen and you yelp.. but you don't surrender because sometimes, the pain is delicious..

Monday, July 14, 2008

Smiles can mean so much, its overwhelming..

Love sours under a cold leaf at times and you wonder what you did wrong. Pickled attraction. A nice tangy pleasure..

The world revolves around a few words, a few actions and we all spend our lives roaming about circumstances which, if exploited, could have led to so much more than a smile..

The life-long search for something satisfying can be ended at your doorstep if you just try to step out. Break your shell.

The sun shines brighter today.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Papery clouds of hope, tear with frustration.


Wont you?

Friday, July 04, 2008

screwed up

You know what i know?
You do what the world does.
And it sucks.
Cuz you could have been so much more...

A pink sky means i won. Yes. It does.


When the sun you believed in as a child, clouds over and the murky clouds take over, a delicate shudder runs through your body. When you are standing at the edge - right where the vegetation and life and sounds and love, thins and becomes pale- you can hear the screams of the childhood you thought was dead. There. Right there you realize that death is only a new beginning. A new start, so fresh, it brings tears to your eyes. It is all a cycle of death.

You gaze at a squirming, red, newborn child and you blink away unexpected tears, which are heavy with so much reasoning and realization, they can choke you. You want to strangle this fragile creature because life only gets worse ahead. Why would you want such an innocent soul to go through the pains of growing up only to kill themselves one day?

When the loud, very loud voices of the Muezzen break your thoughts, you smile. Because interruption saves you from getting yourself depressed any furthur.

You stick you face into your steaming mug of coffee and sigh, because yes, the pleasure of life does exist in small, hidden places..

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

white. white. white. skin.


chestnut tresses.

how feminine...

yet, alluring

the question

*i see an aeroplane. i see it. i see it*



When the sheer selfishness
of the ACT
makes the soul tremble
and we indulge
in airy
very airy
I smelt defeat.

It had a whiff of
I think (I know)

the smell of heartache
from a long distance

I loved you
I have no inhibitions about admitting

Why not explore
with our noses as lovers
and find
that... spice.. that.. aroma
an earlobe
or the back of your knee...

Monday, May 26, 2008

btw..that brochure thing said..


*rolls eyes*

how exciting.

i did reach
philosophy can really




way way below...

*the moon, the moon,
i still see it sometimes, in your eyes*

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Sometimes life gets so peaceful and quiet. And comfortable. Like, right now..
Tea, music and my blog. Its my own little world. A world where i dont really have to compose my words or try to be something im not. Im aesha here. Raw. Real. And its amazing. I dont have to pretend i like something or someone. I can some right out with it.

*I hate you, U.K*


Feels good :s

HATE. HATE. HATE youuuuuuuuuuu

ok must stop.

There's a weird brochure kind of thing lying under the table and i can see the words " YOUR WORLD IS.."
Even though I'm very curious and i want to know what my world is according to this piece of paper, I'm too lazy to investigate.

You see? Sometimes things are at an arm's length ...

*Like the moon , that day, at the farm-house...*

...But you just dont wanna reach..

added an email address in my profile.. if anyone wants to mail.


Monday, May 19, 2008


Ok I'm back.:D


Here's the deal:

I'm actually over with MATH!
for real =/
The only sad part is i keep dreaming of doing long-winded sums and things and exam halls and invigilators who talk in math.

Ok explain "Talk in math"

hmm.. they just say weird math stuff and you have to figure out what they're saying. =/
Its horrible for peopel like me. People who think math is a curse!

anyway.. we're over with mhmm.. 4 papers!

a gazillion more to go.. :s

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I knew this would happen...
It was the End..
What could i do?
The ....FUCK..

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

rain. rain. rain
Come melt my worries..


The winds of the Moon whip bridal curtains into an orgasmic frenzy while a bubble of a Dream bursts unceremoniously into a puddle of tears turned murky with Wait. A little soft Sigh floats across the Sea and shudders as it encounters Denial. A thousand little No-ones wrap their tentacles around the legs of young Sucidals and trip them into a series of black Books depicting legendary Love Stories, knowing very well that they clambered out of them in the first place. It all happens Again. A red skirt flies aimlessly in the sky, showering tiny humans with Golden sequins and generating Frowns on turned-rigid-with-rules faces. Taboos unleashed.
The yellow Flower she once wore in her black Curls curled inwards, all tensed and fell out and Died.
The red Henna on her plams frizzled and hissed and turned pale with Worry.
The first Butterfly touch on her shoulder made her Melt. In a Bad way.
Because whom she thought was her Prince was actually..


Thursday, January 03, 2008

i wanted to touch the bubble that formed outside your being. It was another world, another planet. And what is worse, there is no Tomorrow in such places, at such times..

Tuesday, January 01, 2008


i wonder what you thought
when you saw Bhutto.
(As for me, i was jealous)
Because seeing you concerned,
worked up,
i almost wished i'd been assassinated.
Though i dont much care
about a bullet in my head
(or a lever in my skull)
i think i want
that attention from you.
i really do.

bubble-wrap my trust-
(and shove it up ur ass)
like your mother used to wrap
those afwul peanut-butter-jelly-honey sandwiches,
you liked.
i told the world.
so what?
there's one more ingredient
gimme a kiss.
and i'll forget about mentioning it here.

come on.

Monday, October 29, 2007


i dont want anybody else, to know...when i think about you i....

Sunday, October 28, 2007

got an ipod. video nano 4gb. silver. tiny. pretty.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Not Good Enough For Truth n Cliche

Hurtful words,
From my enemies of the last five years,
What's it like to die alone?
How does it feel when tears freeze,
When you cry?
The blood in your veins is twenty below.
Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,
Something I cannot forget.

So for now, take this down a notch,
Crash my car through your window,
Make sure you're still alive,
Just in time to kill you,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,
Something I cannot forget.

I can't take this (take) anymore
I can't take this (take) anymore
I can't take this (take) anymore
(I cannot feel what you've done to me)
I can't take this (take) anymore
(What you've done to me)

So for now, take this down a notch,
Crash my car through your window,
Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,
Something I cannot forget.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

My silver lining clouded over.

I want to play Russian Roulette.
On the condition that I surely get the bullet..

this is the last straw

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

He's an Angel to you, devil to me...

the song:
Angel to you, devil to me (The Click 5)

When I saw her she looked my way
and I knew that I was over my head
ruby lips on a smile so sweet
with a rude attitude that could knock me dead
I heard a voice when she called my name
I knew my life was gonna change

well she's hotter than hell
and she's cool as they come
and she smart and she's wild
all rolled into one
yeah you say I'm the guy that you wish you could be
it's not easy you see
that she's an angel to you
but she's a devil to me

all my friends say you lucky guy
everyone wants to stand in your place
and so I give it another try
I'm not sure how much more my poor heart can take
I feel the blood pumpin' round my brain
I grab my bat and I'm back in the game

well she's hotter than hell
and she's cool as they come
and she smart and she's wild
all rolled into one
yeah you say I'm the guy that you wish you could be
it's not easy to see
that she's an angel to you
but she's a devil to me

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
cause no one knows that she puts me through anyway
I'm awake in disaster
I can't seem to get past her
I try and I try but I can't get away

she's an angel to you
she's a devil to me
she's an angel to you
she's a devil to me
it's not easy you see

well she's hotter than hell
and she's cool as they come
and she smart and she's wild
all rolled into one
yeah you say I'm the guy that you wish you could be
it's not easy to see
well she's hotter than hell
and she's cool as they come
and she smart and she's wild
all rolled into one
yeah you say I'm the guy that you wish you could be
it's not easy you see
that she's an angel to you
but she's a devil to me

Fight for our right?

But is it right?

Who decides upon the line between right and wrong?

Its so annoying when simple things that make you happy suddenly change or disappear.

Simple things like a face, a picture, a word.

Its like you concentrate your whole world into that little thing for a while. It makes you happy, it relaxes you, it re-assures you... and then suddenly.. *poof* its not there anymore..

I depend on certain things. I really depend on them. And I know I'll be nowhere without them . And its quite pathetic.

Friday, September 28, 2007


i watch through my red eyes.. and squint as the truth hits me like a laser beam..
he's not looking at me. NO. he doesn't even know I'm there...

And just like that, my eyes well up.. and i look down at my hands.. my wrectched palms.. the stupid lines of destiny..of supposed love. and life.
And i simply wish i would die.. Right there, right then. In front of him. How dramatic. Martyrdom..kind of.

I look at the orange-y bits of your being and blink. i devour you with my eyes. I try to send desperate mssages to your brain. But you have switched off long ago. I keep trying. You look up and i shoot you an inevitable smile and you look away before my lips can relax...Ah.

You offer me a chair.. you get me a drink and i dance within my self, rejoice, sing...
Its my lucky day.
And just as i look up to thank you again, i see your back..
You're greeting someone..
You laugh.
I smile.
You laugh again.
I'm jealous. I want to be your friend.
You start walking away..
A stab of despair pierces me.. i stand up and excuse myself.

what will i do anyway? i thinka nd walk.. and walk without thinking.. i walk past him.. and my hearts thudding. I go to the Ladies. I come out. you've disappeared,

I go back and sit where i was sitting. I'm cryign within. I'm dead. I dont laugh, i dont do anything.

That night i dream of orange hopes lying shattered on the ground..

Labels: ,

Thursday, September 27, 2007

iftar parties SUCK

I've been gowned!

feels greattt:D

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Purple blobs..
i can see purple blobs..

Gowning Ceremony tomorrow:D

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

what should i do?

What should I do with these broken pieces of my life?
Will trying to put them together, help?
Isn’t it all futile? How? How can life mend itself?
It’s shattered for life. For eternity. For ever and ever and ever and even after that.

*Your memory drifts in and out of my mind.
You still live in there.
Nothing can push you out.
I love you.
Yes I do.
But I want you out.
You’re not helping.
Leave. Please.*

What should I do with this hopeless situation?
Clichéd isn’t it?
I love you, you don’t love me.
You love me, I don’t love you.

Sing again.
When I start losing you..
When I seem far away..
Sing. Sing to me.
Make me fall in love again.
Make your soul within me, dance
Make my heart drum
Make my mind hum.
I think not.*

I think about the past.
And then I think about why I do that..
I know it’ll hurt me.
I know it’ll get me depressed.
I know you wont come back.
Am I glad?
Or do I want you back,
To walk with me on the same paths we walked upon,
Once upon a time?

*Only I know
Where, everywhere you are.
There in that flower.
There, in my poems.
You creep in, secretly,
Leaving me helpless, hopeless…
You hide me sometimes,
Veil me in your calmness…
You’re the one I need.
You make me whole..
I know you live in me.
I know.
But come out my soul..
Come out..
Come and embrace me.
I need you.
I really do.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007



why.. why do i have to do it?:(
i dont know what 'istaqlal' means:s
and thats just one word out of the dozens:S:S
I know i was writing meha a note when she told us the meaning.. but wouldn't you do the same?
Urdu's so awfuly boring

ESPECIALLY in our school.
believe me.

me no want to do "khulasa"


Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Importance Of being Aesha

Its been ages,

I know.

But in my mind, i wrote here everyday..
Every second.
Every moment i felt i needed release.
When it all got to me.
Pierced my facade.

I wrote here. Really.

Smiling never seemed so hard.
I thought i had mastered it.
The Importance Of Being Aesha.

*No sweetie, no crying*

*when was it ever yours?*

*did you actually have the audacity, the cheek, the...foolishness, to believe, even for a second, you deserved it? or that it was for real?*

Oh aesha..
Wrong Wrong Lane.

Retrace your steps. Go back.
You've already lost your way....

Thursday, June 28, 2007

regrets, regrets


And you could tell it was me, who was pulling you towards light. Why then, did you turn away?
You knew you were my light, why then did you go away?
You knew our light conversations were hiding something important. Why. Why then did you not stay?

Do you not want to know?
Do you not need to know?
Does it not even matter to you?

Why do I like you?
Why do I yearn for you?
I minute with you, in which you just look at me and smile briefly, is the incentive that can make me live on..

Why am I so desperate?
Why are you so perfect?
Why did I ever meet you?
Why did you come into my life?

Why didn’t I talk when there was a chance?
Why didn’t I smile when you looked at me?
Why didn’t I sit with you when you asked me to?
Why didn’t I touch you when your hands were so close?

Regrets, Regrets.

Why were you so callous?
Why were you so cold?
Why did you hurt me on purpose?

Why do you murder my soul every time we meet?



And I'l call it whatever...

Bubble the anger
Through the sear
And claim it to be
The healing process

Finger it all
And enjoy the feel
And claim the finger
To be unfeeling

Scratch the pain
And wince
And claim it to be
Deliciously sweet

Slap it down
and sit on it.
And modestly claim to be

Put that glitter on
And sparkle the night
And claim it to be
‘simple beauty’

It a free world.
Claim whatever pleases you
to be the,
The sole and whole truth..

Abandon Me.
Abandon Myself...

How tempting a thought is that...?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

talking to myself..

so... hiii...:)

HII WHAT? bloodyy what? are u in your senses..? hmph.

erm... im bored...:)


er... im just trying to be nice...!

NICE? to yourself? WHYYY?

FINE.. hmph.,



what what what??????????????????????????


HAH! like YOU'RE NOT! Ms. Me. *snorts*


believe me, th feelings mutual..


SEE IM MAD?!:s:s

Oh so tommorow will be my first day at PINK...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

and i want forever...

i went to the club yesterday..
I decided to take my new Georgette Heyer novel along... (thanks sarah for helping me discover G.H. F rankly speaking i was quite scared of he books..:P)
Sitting in the Lobby, i realized i was surrounded by guys. Guys smoking, guys laughing, guys smirking, guys flirting, guys having tea, guys reading (for real. honestly) and guys talking about the details of last nights date..

I got up and sat in the other corner, where there were two girls sitting and chatting. Or rather gossiping.
Sitting a bit away from them, i started reading. But how could i?

Girl 1 who had halima-like hair (i'll call her H) : NAHII YAAAR ... your joking.. sahi bataoo
Girl 2 (I'll call her S) : Im serious babes. He said "no way am i coming to my sisters shaadi, cuz she's marrying my girlfriend's brother. How dare she..!" sad i tell you...

H: But. Poor sairaaaa. She has only one brother. Oh forget it.. sad or whatever.... Tell me about what shahid said about me.... *grins and blushes*
S: He said you were a bit too giggly.. or else he'd take you. And also that eliya had already asked him out...*realizes she's been too tactless(about time)* Oh but he's making a BIG mistake. Eliya is gigglier than you... THAT i can bet on.. *satisfied smile*
H: He said i was giggllyyyyy????????????????????????????????????????? *looks horrified and looks around, spots me, trying hard to pretend im reading and lowrs her voice*
Let me get this straight. He said i was giggly???? And eliya's NOT? That Bitch. I'm going to murder her...

At this point i looked up horrified. But H, ignoring me continued..

H: Ughh.. he said he'd go with me!!!!!!! and noe he's *the mobile rings*
Hello? KAUN? what? NOOOOOO im not kulsoom. How dare you.. yeh dramey apni maan behan ke saath kara karo. ainda phoen kia tou mein goli maar doon gi...samajh ayi?
*disconnects the call*

S looks at me apologetically and i smile and nod as if to say its okay and get up and leave..

Lol. i just posted this cuz it was veryyy alarming..

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

listening to chasing cars, by snow patrol.

Well yes it is an emo song.. so what?
Im emo:P


oh i have to have to, post abt that engagement..

oH sweet God.. i don't know why se agreed to marry him..
Surely, CBM guys arent that ugly..
Oh shit..

We arrived at the stupid hall a hour before the bride decided she'd better put her henna-ed feet in golden shoes in the hall. For heaven's sake, it was just an engagement ceremony. Get over with it. Besides i was famished and the very sight of those huge golden whatever-you-call-em made me pine for soem food. Any food.

Ok. then suddenly 'she' arrived. The engagementee i mean.. and her fiance'..

I was burning with curiosity...
Suddenly my cousin, my usually calm-and-composed cousin shrieked. I shook her and said "kia hoa? kia hoa? (and cuz i know she could see him clearly, i went on) surely he cant be that bad...i mean atleast he's not bald!"

And she swallowed hard and said "but he is bald.."

The guy was ten years older than Miss. M but loked abt 40..
Thin, dark, frowning, half-bald man...
I felt so sorry for the squirming, shiny-faced, girl..

sigh.. life is mean.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

and hope isn't pink....

its black.


raves and rants..

What i dont understand is why.. why on earth do i hurt the people i love, the most...
I end up making the people i love, hate me...

I am most careless about the things i care for... sigh.. anyway.

Im bored.
Im bored
Im bored

And even though im bored i DONT want to go anywhere, meet anyone or do anything.
Its like im blank. Lazily bored. I'd rather be like this than go out and have fun.
Because here, having fun only comes after, a lot of planning, arguements, dressing up....

Oh wait. All that, only if you can get your lazy ass up...
i can't . i dont want to!

During the exams, i made a list of things to do in the vacations..
On Independence Day, i opened my diary looking for the familiar blessed pink sheet on which my "june-july" depended... and guess what?

Yes. indeed. No pink sheet. I lost it. I LOST ITTTT

and now, i cant think of a single thing to to do. hmph..

Oh did i mention the Engagement Ceremony i have to go to after an hour?
Being a Memon means that, unfortunately. Parties, weddings, get-togethers...
Now dont get me wrong here. I love the fact that im a Memon and all that.. but do we have to go to our dad's cousin's daughter's daughter's (i think i got it right) engagement for heaven's sake...

This girl-in-question.. the engagementee (lol), i am not very fond of..
She's started the whole a-girl-whose-18-in Cbm-educated-but-still-is-listening-to-her-mum-and-marrying-a-wealthy-chap-who's-a-chartered accountant thing.
Now her cousin, whose 18 and in the same institute and has higher aims than lassoing a wealthy CA is being given her example and cajoled to consider some rishta.

oh i went to the beach today. French Beach, high tides, not-too-brown sand and cousins... Not bad at all..
But its sooooo hot. It was scorchingly hot even at 6 in the morning, which is sad..

now, i have to go get ready (ugh) and see teh engagementee's fiance..


Thursday, June 07, 2007

facebook is amusing:P

its too white though, but i can't do anythign about that..

im bored s***less

nothing to dooooo

sometimes there are just too many parties to go to:P
and now.. i have NOTHING TO DO..:(


im dragged to the Club every single day because hadiya has swimming classes..

but today, when i thought, 'ahh well if i am going, no point sulking...' and i dressed up properly..


some electrical problem... NO SWIMMING CLASS!


Sunday, May 27, 2007

Going to sunday bazaar!


i'd rather sleep or do a bit of geography!

Saturday, May 12, 2007


.. and how am i supposed to study, when right outside my house, a game of counter-strike is going on? only this time, with real men...


Karachi's lost it....

once again...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

its always about 'me'. Its always me.

Not an egotistic moron.
Maybe just a moron.

why am i so utterly stupid? = s

*She sees the sudden glow of her cell-phone, as a message is received and her face brightens intantly. She knew he'd message. Obviously. Her heart was bursting with relief and she smacked herself on the head for her stupid paranoia (he hates me, he's angry, he's ditching me) She walked over to the table and picked up her cellphone, relishing the thought of a message from him. She took her time pressing the 'read' button. Anf her heart deflated. Yes it was a message. But from someone else. Heartbroken, hurt and close to tears, she flopped down once again on the bed and wondered why and how she had got trapped in love's snare, once again....*

lets waste time, chasing cars

We'll do it all
Everything On our own
We don't need Anything Or anyone
If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
will never change for us at all If I lay here
If I just lay here Would you lie with me and
just forget the world?

Sunday, April 15, 2007


dont make that mocking face!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Beau Ideale- imagined state of perfection

the sweet restlessness.
The chanting of your name
Heart racing at every
little sound....

Find you in me,
ina small crevice.
Forgotten treasure.
Curled up,
like a snail in its shell.
Home sweet home.

Touch your skin
Feel you shiver.
the sexual tension.

Scratch your surface.
See your core.
Relish your complexity
and your bloodied passion...

O, when will you end
this sweet anticipation
for an even sweeter,
My beau ideale

She knew it was the end..
The End was approaching. The why did she feel that somethign was holding her back.. a subtle hint of a better life which was lurking out there unsure how to enter, in what form to enter so that she wouldn't reject it but embrace it with open arms...

And it entered. It entered casually...subtly....and embraced her before she pushed it away...
and she was swept away...

Amidst colourful dreams, sweet hopes, glowing passion, perfection... she saw The End slither away....

After all......she's rather have 'happily ever after' written all over the book of her life in colourful alphabets......rather than a solemn "the End' in black....

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New story of my life :)

Winnie the Pooh.......'Oh my!'........Barney songs.......lips of an angel......Don't matter.....The kite runner.......Virtual kisses........toblerones..... shweet-smashingly sexy = shmexy......tigger.......star cricketer.........Ufone versus Telenor........goth lyrics/poems.......sweet promises.......solemn pacts......omnivorism versus vegetarianism......chicago/karachi.......stupid summer camp stories......childhood memories.......having breakfast versus not having breakfast......... love for food.......scrapping madly without adding the person......ideals personified, albiet without purple hair.... madness........euphoria.......ecstacy.......peace of mind......happiness........ :D whew...

i always want to know WHY..

Why did you say that?
Why did you make that weird face?
Why did you sigh?
Why did you shrug?
Why are you ignoring me?
Why are you not answering my questions?
Why do you think I'll stop asking questions if you dont answer?
Why are you grinning?

why am i so stupid? =p


Wednesday, April 04, 2007


i want to see a black flutterby:P
(but wont that be a moth then?)
are there black ones on Earth?


No fair!
First you said there are no orange bananas and now THIS!



Finding Neverland...

Maybe i've found it.
I won't tell you.
Its a secret.
Maybe i've been there lready.
Won't tell.
*can you keep secrets?*

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*and you wonder what you've done to make God so happy. So happy that He has made you the happiest person in the world all of a sudden...*

It keeps me thinking. Keeps me praising Him.
After all who could have possibly pulled me out of that horrible depression except Him.

...Thankyou God....

i really am in love..:D

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When in love..... =)

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Interpretations, when gone wrong can hurt a lot.
I don't know why, after all thats happened I still have positive hopes. I still dream. I shouldn't really because then, when I'm hurt i ahve no one to blame but myself.Why did i have to have such high expectations from so-and-so etc. Its always my fault isn't it? I hope for soemthing to happen. It inevitably doesn't happen. And I'm hurt. The nex day i hope for it to happen again. It doesn't and I'm more hurt. Its a vicious ongoing cycle....

Its not funny. Its so not funny.
But then when did anyone say it was?:S


Sunday, March 25, 2007

Its so easy to smile and joke even when you are beign torn apart within.
You are reading teh blog of a person who has a Phd in this art


right now..i could even pay someone to talk to me!
I'm lonely.
Funny how one can be lonely even with so many people around.
I'll develop another personality within me, if i'm thsi lonely again.
As it is i talk to myself.

My best friends:
*my diary
*my bloggie
*my room

Maybe this is how socially reclusive people become who they are.
Being self-centred.

But if i were with friends right now, I'd laugh and joke. But i have this weird gloom, this emptiness inside. Its always there.
Its hard to ignore.

I'm so weird
I can describe myself in two ways:
* I need constant attention and love
* I love being alone.


HOW TO SOLVE MYSELF so that i can get onto solving life?

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Friday, March 23, 2007

what am i?

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

R.I.P Angelina,.,,

I know you are here.
the scent of your presence
is lingering,
deep within my soul.
Its struck a chord,
though melancholy,
has unified my senses,
sharpened my aims,
my love.
Perfect harmony within,
only because of you..
O my white soul-mate,
*i miss you*

I just read sadia's post on suicide.
I try not to talk about it.
But when people do start the topic, like the literature class she talked about, I dont know how to tell them about it all.

Its haunting.
The whole discussion.

I know Angel was brave.
i dont even hesitate in telling people about her.
She was courageous.
She was.

She didn't have a choice did she?
I'm going to write along the same lines as Sadia ie. what will you do if you are raped. That too by soemone you know? And ... the horror of it all: your step-mother is involved.

Step or no, a mother is a mother is a mother is a mother.

No one commits suicide unless its teh only solution. I can bet on it.
When you know life's only going to get worse. No Prince Charming is going to rescue you from your evil enemies (read step-mother) what else are you supposed to do? Say you're fine with beign harnessed to a 32-yr-old man who happens to be a rapist, who's also married and has three kids your age? No. Then you say "I quit" to God.

You know how when one reads Cinderella, a typical evil step-mother image comes to your mind? Well i always thought it was false. Step-mothers are not evil. They're normal women like your mother and mine. But oh no! Now, to me all of them are the same. Evil, hard-hearted, cruel.

Angel's death might be self-inflicted but i call it murder.
It was forced.
She didn't want to die.
She was a lively girl of sixteen with dreams and hopes.
She used to love cracking jokes and laughing.
She used to pull me out of depression.

I miss you Angel.
More than ever.

You were my soul-mate.
You still are.

And to those who did this to you, i wish ... things i cant even say.
I hope they lose themselves.

May God punish them.

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blood and roses

When you give me a rose,
lets each prick our fingers,
with the thorns
and drip blood onto the petals..
Color it in our vitality...

A rose to Us!
To our love-hate relationship.
Blood and roses.
Wine and poison.
Lets explore new dimensions,
of love.

When you touch me,
leave a scratch.
Leave an impression.
Whats better to enhance love,
than hurt, anyway?

Your love is preying,
on my soul.
Biting at my sensitivity.
Thank you for making me bitter.
I know your intentions are pure.
Bitterness helps survival.

Thank you for teaching me,
to cut myself open.
What other way is there?
to know myself better.
My depths...

So much to thank you for.
Oh people who say,
I'm cynical, bitter
What do they know,
what love is?
Its all about losing,
All about hurt.
Bland and bitter,
No music and sweetness.
What do they know?
Those foolish rose-eyed things.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

my blogging degree....

The University of Blogging

Presents to

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Comment Spam

Majoring in
Psychotic Ranting
Dr. GoQuiz.com


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

mamoo's wedding:D



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When will we grow up?

When will we get over the O levels and consequently the 'O levels blues'

ME wanna grow UP.

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I'll eat you up!!!!!!!!!

According to yusra, I look like I'm going to eat someone any second.


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Funny how we've all started using the word nothingness. ( we= sadia, me, sana)

Whenever I have to write about the blank and sad feeling, the word nothingness comes inevitably to my mind.

Maybe if you psychoanalyze me you'll find out i have the 'nothingness-syndrome' or something like that.

It is possible. Everythings possible.

By using this word so frequently are we subconsciously outlining the nothingness inside us? Our blank soul, blank mind....?

Or maybe, I'm thinking too much.

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funny how we have all started to use the word "nothingness"

Whenever I'm writing anything and i want to express the sad, blank feeling , the word 'nothingness' inevitably comes into my mind.

Maybe if you psychoanalyze me you'll find i have a nothingness-syndrome.
Or soemthing.

Does it mean we are subconsciously outlining the nothingness inside us?

It can be true. I dont know..

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

When life twists itself into a complicated web of desires, obstacles and hopes. When you get lost in the maze.... and desires turn murderous, obstacles trip you and hopes stab you....when you're in desperate need of a helping hand...

Thats when you feel what i'm feeling right now.

It actually gets worse. Its like you fade away, into darkness... into teh eternal silence. You are emotionless, hopeless and...blank. When life seems funny. You laugh and then cry. Or cry till you laugh....

Your diary gets soaked through...

You're drained. Emotionally and physically.....

I hate it.. its stays for a logn time...

and leaves you weak and vulnerable...

i hate it.


Monday, March 05, 2007

meetha phal..

they say:
"sabar ka phal meetha hota hai" ( the fruit of being patient is sweet)

Well i've been very patient. But being honest. io can't actualy say it has borne any fruit, sweet or otherwise.

and so i shall sing, excuse me for this:

"We are the boys that nothing can tire, we are the boys that gather samphire( meetha phal)"