Thursday, June 28, 2007

regrets, regrets


And you could tell it was me, who was pulling you towards light. Why then, did you turn away?
You knew you were my light, why then did you go away?
You knew our light conversations were hiding something important. Why. Why then did you not stay?

Do you not want to know?
Do you not need to know?
Does it not even matter to you?

Why do I like you?
Why do I yearn for you?
I minute with you, in which you just look at me and smile briefly, is the incentive that can make me live on..

Why am I so desperate?
Why are you so perfect?
Why did I ever meet you?
Why did you come into my life?

Why didn’t I talk when there was a chance?
Why didn’t I smile when you looked at me?
Why didn’t I sit with you when you asked me to?
Why didn’t I touch you when your hands were so close?

Regrets, Regrets.

Why were you so callous?
Why were you so cold?
Why did you hurt me on purpose?

Why do you murder my soul every time we meet?



And I'l call it whatever...

Bubble the anger
Through the sear
And claim it to be
The healing process

Finger it all
And enjoy the feel
And claim the finger
To be unfeeling

Scratch the pain
And wince
And claim it to be
Deliciously sweet

Slap it down
and sit on it.
And modestly claim to be

Put that glitter on
And sparkle the night
And claim it to be
‘simple beauty’

It a free world.
Claim whatever pleases you
to be the,
The sole and whole truth..

Abandon Me.
Abandon Myself...

How tempting a thought is that...?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

talking to myself..

so... hiii...:)

HII WHAT? bloodyy what? are u in your senses..? hmph.

erm... im bored...:)


er... im just trying to be nice...!

NICE? to yourself? WHYYY?

FINE.. hmph.,



what what what??????????????????????????


HAH! like YOU'RE NOT! Ms. Me. *snorts*


believe me, th feelings mutual..


SEE IM MAD?!:s:s

Oh so tommorow will be my first day at PINK...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

and i want forever...

i went to the club yesterday..
I decided to take my new Georgette Heyer novel along... (thanks sarah for helping me discover G.H. F rankly speaking i was quite scared of he books..:P)
Sitting in the Lobby, i realized i was surrounded by guys. Guys smoking, guys laughing, guys smirking, guys flirting, guys having tea, guys reading (for real. honestly) and guys talking about the details of last nights date..

I got up and sat in the other corner, where there were two girls sitting and chatting. Or rather gossiping.
Sitting a bit away from them, i started reading. But how could i?

Girl 1 who had halima-like hair (i'll call her H) : NAHII YAAAR ... your joking.. sahi bataoo
Girl 2 (I'll call her S) : Im serious babes. He said "no way am i coming to my sisters shaadi, cuz she's marrying my girlfriend's brother. How dare she..!" sad i tell you...

H: But. Poor sairaaaa. She has only one brother. Oh forget it.. sad or whatever.... Tell me about what shahid said about me.... *grins and blushes*
S: He said you were a bit too giggly.. or else he'd take you. And also that eliya had already asked him out...*realizes she's been too tactless(about time)* Oh but he's making a BIG mistake. Eliya is gigglier than you... THAT i can bet on.. *satisfied smile*
H: He said i was giggllyyyyy????????????????????????????????????????? *looks horrified and looks around, spots me, trying hard to pretend im reading and lowrs her voice*
Let me get this straight. He said i was giggly???? And eliya's NOT? That Bitch. I'm going to murder her...

At this point i looked up horrified. But H, ignoring me continued..

H: Ughh.. he said he'd go with me!!!!!!! and noe he's *the mobile rings*
Hello? KAUN? what? NOOOOOO im not kulsoom. How dare you.. yeh dramey apni maan behan ke saath kara karo. ainda phoen kia tou mein goli maar doon gi...samajh ayi?
*disconnects the call*

S looks at me apologetically and i smile and nod as if to say its okay and get up and leave..

Lol. i just posted this cuz it was veryyy alarming..

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

listening to chasing cars, by snow patrol.

Well yes it is an emo song.. so what?
Im emo:P


oh i have to have to, post abt that engagement..

oH sweet God.. i don't know why se agreed to marry him..
Surely, CBM guys arent that ugly..
Oh shit..

We arrived at the stupid hall a hour before the bride decided she'd better put her henna-ed feet in golden shoes in the hall. For heaven's sake, it was just an engagement ceremony. Get over with it. Besides i was famished and the very sight of those huge golden whatever-you-call-em made me pine for soem food. Any food.

Ok. then suddenly 'she' arrived. The engagementee i mean.. and her fiance'..

I was burning with curiosity...
Suddenly my cousin, my usually calm-and-composed cousin shrieked. I shook her and said "kia hoa? kia hoa? (and cuz i know she could see him clearly, i went on) surely he cant be that bad...i mean atleast he's not bald!"

And she swallowed hard and said "but he is bald.."

The guy was ten years older than Miss. M but loked abt 40..
Thin, dark, frowning, half-bald man...
I felt so sorry for the squirming, shiny-faced, girl..

sigh.. life is mean.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

and hope isn't pink....

its black.


raves and rants..

What i dont understand is why.. why on earth do i hurt the people i love, the most...
I end up making the people i love, hate me...

I am most careless about the things i care for... sigh.. anyway.

Im bored.
Im bored
Im bored

And even though im bored i DONT want to go anywhere, meet anyone or do anything.
Its like im blank. Lazily bored. I'd rather be like this than go out and have fun.
Because here, having fun only comes after, a lot of planning, arguements, dressing up....

Oh wait. All that, only if you can get your lazy ass up...
i can't . i dont want to!

During the exams, i made a list of things to do in the vacations..
On Independence Day, i opened my diary looking for the familiar blessed pink sheet on which my "june-july" depended... and guess what?

Yes. indeed. No pink sheet. I lost it. I LOST ITTTT

and now, i cant think of a single thing to to do. hmph..

Oh did i mention the Engagement Ceremony i have to go to after an hour?
Being a Memon means that, unfortunately. Parties, weddings, get-togethers...
Now dont get me wrong here. I love the fact that im a Memon and all that.. but do we have to go to our dad's cousin's daughter's daughter's (i think i got it right) engagement for heaven's sake...

This girl-in-question.. the engagementee (lol), i am not very fond of..
She's started the whole a-girl-whose-18-in Cbm-educated-but-still-is-listening-to-her-mum-and-marrying-a-wealthy-chap-who's-a-chartered accountant thing.
Now her cousin, whose 18 and in the same institute and has higher aims than lassoing a wealthy CA is being given her example and cajoled to consider some rishta.

oh i went to the beach today. French Beach, high tides, not-too-brown sand and cousins... Not bad at all..
But its sooooo hot. It was scorchingly hot even at 6 in the morning, which is sad..

now, i have to go get ready (ugh) and see teh engagementee's fiance..


Thursday, June 07, 2007

facebook is amusing:P

its too white though, but i can't do anythign about that..

im bored s***less

nothing to dooooo

sometimes there are just too many parties to go to:P
and now.. i have NOTHING TO DO..:(


im dragged to the Club every single day because hadiya has swimming classes..

but today, when i thought, 'ahh well if i am going, no point sulking...' and i dressed up properly..


some electrical problem... NO SWIMMING CLASS!