Friday, September 28, 2007


i watch through my red eyes.. and squint as the truth hits me like a laser beam..
he's not looking at me. NO. he doesn't even know I'm there...

And just like that, my eyes well up.. and i look down at my hands.. my wrectched palms.. the stupid lines of destiny..of supposed love. and life.
And i simply wish i would die.. Right there, right then. In front of him. How dramatic. Martyrdom..kind of.

I look at the orange-y bits of your being and blink. i devour you with my eyes. I try to send desperate mssages to your brain. But you have switched off long ago. I keep trying. You look up and i shoot you an inevitable smile and you look away before my lips can relax...Ah.

You offer me a chair.. you get me a drink and i dance within my self, rejoice, sing...
Its my lucky day.
And just as i look up to thank you again, i see your back..
You're greeting someone..
You laugh.
I smile.
You laugh again.
I'm jealous. I want to be your friend.
You start walking away..
A stab of despair pierces me.. i stand up and excuse myself.

what will i do anyway? i thinka nd walk.. and walk without thinking.. i walk past him.. and my hearts thudding. I go to the Ladies. I come out. you've disappeared,

I go back and sit where i was sitting. I'm cryign within. I'm dead. I dont laugh, i dont do anything.

That night i dream of orange hopes lying shattered on the ground..

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

iftar parties SUCK

I've been gowned!

feels greattt:D

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Purple blobs..
i can see purple blobs..

Gowning Ceremony tomorrow:D

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

what should i do?

What should I do with these broken pieces of my life?
Will trying to put them together, help?
Isn’t it all futile? How? How can life mend itself?
It’s shattered for life. For eternity. For ever and ever and ever and even after that.

*Your memory drifts in and out of my mind.
You still live in there.
Nothing can push you out.
I love you.
Yes I do.
But I want you out.
You’re not helping.
Leave. Please.*

What should I do with this hopeless situation?
Clichéd isn’t it?
I love you, you don’t love me.
You love me, I don’t love you.

Sing again.
When I start losing you..
When I seem far away..
Sing. Sing to me.
Make me fall in love again.
Make your soul within me, dance
Make my heart drum
Make my mind hum.
I think not.*

I think about the past.
And then I think about why I do that..
I know it’ll hurt me.
I know it’ll get me depressed.
I know you wont come back.
Am I glad?
Or do I want you back,
To walk with me on the same paths we walked upon,
Once upon a time?

*Only I know
Where, everywhere you are.
There in that flower.
There, in my poems.
You creep in, secretly,
Leaving me helpless, hopeless…
You hide me sometimes,
Veil me in your calmness…
You’re the one I need.
You make me whole..
I know you live in me.
I know.
But come out my soul..
Come out..
Come and embrace me.
I need you.
I really do.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007



why.. why do i have to do it?:(
i dont know what 'istaqlal' means:s
and thats just one word out of the dozens:S:S
I know i was writing meha a note when she told us the meaning.. but wouldn't you do the same?
Urdu's so awfuly boring

ESPECIALLY in our school.
believe me.

me no want to do "khulasa"


Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Importance Of being Aesha

Its been ages,

I know.

But in my mind, i wrote here everyday..
Every second.
Every moment i felt i needed release.
When it all got to me.
Pierced my facade.

I wrote here. Really.

Smiling never seemed so hard.
I thought i had mastered it.
The Importance Of Being Aesha.

*No sweetie, no crying*

*when was it ever yours?*

*did you actually have the audacity, the cheek, the...foolishness, to believe, even for a second, you deserved it? or that it was for real?*

Oh aesha..
Wrong Wrong Lane.

Retrace your steps. Go back.
You've already lost your way....