....:s:s
"i've come so far, I lost myself on the journey...", Jean Rhys - Let Them Call It Jazz.As the car sped towards wherever it was we were going, I felt like saying "Stop!Stop HERE.Right Now!Drop me off here, right here, wherever we are.."But i didn't say anything. I don't know why tears filled my eyes. I don't know why i felt like crying. Suddenly my heart was all heavy and i needed an outlet to whatever was making me sad all of a sudden.I felt like saying, "Yes here, drop me off and I'll go somewhere or maybe nowhere, meet someone or maybe no one, and do something or maybe nothing but thats all irrelevant. Just let me go. iSOLATE ME , ABANDON ME. Yes I want that very much. The car sped on.
As we passd by the KC i felt like jumping out of the car and saying "I'll just go meet him" just to see their rections when they heard "him". How easily , i can make them worry, panic or even burn with curiosity. Ha! But I didn't say anything ofcourse.
We passed by buildings. I could be in any one of them, if God would have had wanted me to have a less disturbed life. I could have been a housewife in flat 102 or a wealthy, single lady in flat 406 or even a maid in flat 302. Why am i aiesha? i wondered.
aiesha who? I mused. I struggled for words to describe myself.
"A short fifteen-going-on-to-sixteen girl who dreams a lot. Who likes being alone, who allows herself to be consumed by self-pity. Who enjoys, almost relishes pain sometimes - and you bleed just to know you're alive...- Weird? Never better.
I sometimes wonder why I wish for things which I know will cause me pain and heartache...
"I wish S.(Umer) would find a lovelier, more inteligent friend so that she would forget me..."
"I wish M.(Raza) would islolate me"
"I wish A(Ayazz)would get get married to whoever she likes without any trouble"
Am I mad? We passed by the PSO ki building. All glass and crystal. Like a huge spectrum emmiting brilliant lights which looked so beautiful, almost mesmerizing. I ahd never looked at thsi building so carefully. I yearned to be inside it, to see how the people inside worked, to be one of them. Anything to get away. i know I was trying to run away from myself, but I don't care.
sigh.... sometimes i act absolutely mad. Everyone kept asking what was wrong with me..but i just smiled, cringing inside " LEAVE ME ALONE, WILL YOU?"
posted by asheyy @ 9:13 AM
Comments: 7
