Thursday, April 13, 2006

Lost Innocence............

You don't need a sword to torture me
Laugh your ringing laugh,
when i desperately want to weep.
Thats when your glee and my salty tears,
will merge together
to form a labyrinthe.

A labyrinthe of emotions,
of hurt, of betrayal
Of a false dawn,
a cloudy night
a fake angel.........

When the clearest of the clear things
appear so dark
When the most of the lucid,
appear doubtful
What have you done?
what has caused?
This faltering trust in all my beliefs
and things close to my heart.....

I look at the moon,
so pretty, so far
I look at the sea, and the blinking stars
And i say, it can all be an illusion...........

I want my childhood back...
when nothing mattered
not you , not me
O innocence come back to me
I dont want to believe in love or Cupid,
I'd rather----
much rather believe in the tooth fairy.......

does it happen all the time or is it just me?:(

it happens all the time, doesn't it?

You're feeling absolutely happy, carefree But suddenly, something happens, someone says something and that amazingly awesome mood become sad, and nothing can whisk away that depression.....

well today was the worst day of my life.I'm convinced that I have no purpose in my life, my life has no purpose. I sometimes wonder how many people i fool with my I'm-the-happiest-girl mask. I don't know.BAnd i dont think there is anyone who is not fooled. I pride myself on the fact that NO ONE in this world knows me perfectly........only God does. But at times i think even God cant keep[ track of my multi-dimentional nature, my unpredictable moods..............But again, maybe it happens to everyone

Just when i thought everything was perfect with my friend(sadia), she chooses not to tell me that she was going away to Dubai. And then when we talk, its like she is not my bestest friend ever. I be nice to her friends because of her, (and also because all of them are sweet, i admit), i mourn equally in her sadness, i know her so well, i can predict her moods and all that sweet gal can give me is this friendship, which is somewhat one-sided...................

I just told my friend that if she dared take more pills to kill herself i'd kill her myself but exactly 20 minutes later i was ready to kill myself. Why? Well only beacuse both my parents seem to feel i'm not quite the daughter i was born and the one they visualized when i was born.................i turned out all wrong, is what they mean.......
This remark seemed callous to me.......i don't know if this is right. I mean the remark.But well , its their idealism.

It really pays to have a mum who knows you quite well. She knows i HATE it when my dad scold me. Mum says anything, i don't really mind that much BUT when my dad sayys something, i just break down....its like i've let the whole mankind feels like letting down myself............its just horrible.....
and so my mum has this whole new way of asking my dad to scold me..............its just aweful.

thsi little guy, 5 yrs old maximum, called me a bitxh atleast 6 times and i can't slap him or say anything, is what my mum says.
WEll i slapped him and shouted at him..................
so tahts officially badtamizi...........
a guy just doesn't understand ke the joke he's been repeating for the past hour and a half is not funny(even though evry stupid idiot is laughing except my cuzin and i) so i tell him and that is badtamizi
my couzin tells him ke calling algebra, geometry is being "a parha likha jaahil" and thats badtamizi
i tell him ke making ajoke out of "i knoew it was algebra, i was just kidding" will not help. Every idiot tries to cover up his mistakes with these lame lines, and so taht is badtamizi

so i'm an official badtamiz........
*does a belly-dance*

im miserable